My Girlfriend Wants To Have Sex, But I Don’t Think I’m Ready For That

April 13, 2019
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Dear Collage, My girlfriend wants to have sex, but I don’t think I’m ready for that. I know it’s supposed to be the other way around. Everyone thinks that guys always want sex and that we’re the ones pressuring girls into it. But I don’t want to have sex yet. And my girlfriend thinks something’s wrong with me. Probably everyone thinks something’s wrong with me. What guy doesn’t want sex if it’s being offered to him. Right? What can I do? Is something wrong with me? How can I tell my girlfriend ‘no’ without feeling less of a man?


First, there’s nothing wrong with you. People of any gender and any age can feel like they aren’t ready for sex. Even if you have the opportunity. Even if it’s a person you really, really are attracted to. Even if it’s a person you really, really want to have sex with.


Next, good for you for knowing yourself and your own boundaries. Good for you for knowing that you aren’t ready and respecting yourself enough to honor that.


Whether or not you want to have sex or feel ready to have sex is a personal decision. Nobody else can know when you’re ready. And nobody should pressure you into having sex. You’re in charge of your own body, and you get to decide when you’re ready.


So how can you tell your girlfriend without hurting her feelings or without feeling like less of a man?

Know why you aren’t ready. Spend some time thinking through your reasons. Be able to own and explain those reasons. And don’t worry about whether your reason will sound silly — you get to choose this for yourself.


Some possible reasons you might want to wait:

  • you aren’t ready to think about having a baby, so you want to avoid sex to prevent pregnancy
  • your religious beliefs don’t permit sex outside of marriage
  • you don’t want to risk being blamed for sexual assault
  • you aren’t even sure if it’s legal for the two of you to have sex
  • you’re worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD)
  • you want more time to build trust or more of a connection
  • you want to be sure you’re in a committed relationship first
  • you really want to wait until you’re married
  • you want your first time to be very special, and you just aren’t there yet
  • you just don’t think you’re ready


Be honest. It’s important that you talk honestly with your girlfriend about sex. Talk about your reasons for waiting. Your girlfriend can’t read your mind. And she won’t understand your boundaries unless you clearly explain them to her. She’s also less likely to have hurt feelings or feel personally rejected if you explain your reasons to her.


Pay attention to her reaction. This hard conversation can either make your relationship stronger – by helping you understand each other and respect each other and form a stronger emotional bond. Or the conversation can end your relationship. You deserve to have your boundaries respected and your choice honored. If your girlfriend mocks you or tries to manipulate you into having sex, then that’s probably not a healthy relationship for you to be in.


Show love in other ways. If the hard conversation goes well and your girlfriend respects your choice and honors your boundaries, then you can show love in ways other than sex. You can find other ways to make her feel attractive and like you want to be with her. Compliment her, spend time with her, buy her small gifts, write her love notes, take her out on dates. Physical intimacy – or sex – isn’t the only way to show love.


You have your whole life to have sex. There’s no hurry. Take your time and enjoy your relationship. As we said, there are lots of ways to show love and feel close and enjoy each other without having sex. You can build emotional intimacy and have a good time together. Building a healthy relationship can make your girlfriend feel respected and desired and loved.


As for whether or not you feel like less of a man — it takes a real man to know himself and respect himself and insist on the kind of healthy relationship he knows he deserves. And it takes a real man to respect his girlfriend enough to wait until he’s really ready before he has sex with her.

Do I Have to Tell My Partner I Want an Abortion?

January 23, 2026
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can bring up difficult questions, especially when it comes to your relationship. You may be wondering whether you are required to tell your partner you’re considering an abortion, or whether it’s okay to keep that information private. Fear of conflict, concern about pressure, or a desire to protect your emotional well-being can all play a role. These feelings are common, and it’s okay to take time to think through what feels safest and healthiest for you. Collage offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can discuss these concerns without pressure. Before making any decisions, we provide cost-free pregnancy services , including ultrasounds, to help you understand important details about your pregnancy. Our goal is to give you accurate medical information and the space you need to move forward with clarity. You’re welcome to schedule a private, confidential appointment to learn more when you feel ready. Understanding Your Autonomy In many states, adults are not legally required to tell a partner if they’re considering or planning an abortion. Medical decisions about your body are generally protected by privacy laws, meaning the decision is legally yours. Some exceptions exist, such as parental involvement laws for minors, but partner notification is typically not required for adults. Even when the law is clear, the emotional side of this decision can feel complicated. You may feel torn between maintaining privacy and wanting honesty in your relationship. There is no single “right” approach, only what best supports your well-being and circumstances. When Safety Is a Concern In some relationships, sharing your thoughts with a partner may lead to understanding or emotional support. In others, it may not feel safe. If you’re worried about pressure, manipulation, anger, or physical harm, prioritizing your safety is essential. You’re never obligated to share information that could put you at risk. If you feel unsafe or unsure, confidential help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why Medical Information Matters Whether or not you involve your partner, having accurate medical information is an important step. An ultrasound can help confirm gestational age, pregnancy location, and whether the pregnancy is viable. These details matter for your health and can help you feel more grounded as you consider your next steps. You Are Not Alone At Collage, we offer a confidential, respectful environment where your voice and concerns are taken seriously. Our team provides pregnancy confirmation, emotional support, and space to think through your situation without pressure or judgment. You deserve time, clarity, and peace of mind as you decide what is right for your life. Connect with Collage to discuss your questions in a supportive and confidential setting. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.

How to Handle Holiday Gatherings When You Haven’t Shared Your Pregnancy News Yet

December 17, 2025
Holiday gatherings often bring familiar traditions, questions, and expectations. But when you’re carrying the news of an unexpected pregnancy that you haven’t shared, the season may feel different this year. You might be participating in celebrations while quietly navigating thoughts and emotions that others cannot see. If you want clarity about your pregnancy or a private space to consider your next steps, Collage offers free services, including pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and confidential consultations, to support your needs. Schedule your appointment today. Prepare Yourself, Not the Perfect Conversation You may not be ready to share your news, and that’s okay. What can help is preparing yourself: deciding on the topics you’re comfortable discussing, the questions you want to avoid, and the boundaries you want to set. This proactivity allows you to answer without feeling like you need to tell all and not overshare. Create Space Throughout the Gathering Instead of thinking about the whole event at once, break it into smaller, manageable moments. Emotional regulation becomes easier when you give yourself space to reset. Try:  Stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air Finding a quiet room for a brief pause Taking a short walk after a meal Giving yourself permission to excuse yourself from overwhelming conversations These small steps can help protect your peace. Remember that if at any point during the gathering you’re ready to go home, go ahead. Take care of yourself by calling it a day when necessary. Meet Your Basic Needs Early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and fatigue can be uncomfortable during gatherings. Come prepared to meet your own needs by bringing pregnancy nausea candy, snacks to settle your stomach, and a water bottle. Store these items in your purse, knowing they’re ready when you need them. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Season Alone If you want clarity before facing holiday conversations, Collage can help you understand your pregnancy and answer questions in a calm, confidential setting, which can make these boundaries easier to hold. Contact us whenever you’re ready to schedule a free appointment. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .

I Don’t Want Another Abortion

November 11, 2025
Learning you’re unexpectedly pregnant can bring up complicated emotions, uncertainty, fear, or even exhaustion if you’ve faced this situation before. You may know that you don’t want another abortion, but still wonder what options exist for your future. At Collage, we provide free and confidential support so you can explore your choices in a compassionate environment. Whether you want to understand what parenting or adoption could look like or simply need someone to listen, you’re not alone. Schedule a free appointment today to learn how we can help. Exploring Parenting Parenting can feel like an enormous responsibility, especially if your finances, relationships, or housing situation are uncertain. Many women ask themselves: “Can I really do this on my own?” “Where will I find the help I need?” “What kind of future can I provide for my child?” These are real and valid questions. At Collage, we’ll help you identify the resources and support available in your community. From offering a warm, supportive presence as you explore this option to providing referrals for resources like housing or childcare support, we’ll ensure you’re not facing these challenges alone. Parenting can be both demanding and deeply rewarding. With encouragement, community connections, and the right information, you can feel more confident in providing a stable, nurturing environment for your child. Understanding Adoption If parenting doesn’t feel like the right fit for your current situation, adoption offers another path forward, one rooted in hope and love. You remain in control of the process, deciding how involved you wish to be in your child’s life. You can select from multiple adoption plans depending on your comfort level: Open adoption: Allows for ongoing communication and contact between you, your child, and the adoptive family. Semi-open adoption: Offers limited contact through a third party, maintaining privacy while keeping some connection. Closed adoption: Protects complete confidentiality with no exchange of identifying information. Financial support is available throughout the adoption process. You’ll never pay for legal or medical services related to adoption. Best of all, adoption agencies can help ensure your needs are met and your wishes are respected every step of the way. Adoption is not an easy decision, but for some women, it brings a sense of peace and purpose, knowing their child is loved and cared for in a stable environment. We can discuss this option with you and offer referrals to reputable agencies so you feel informed. Taking the Next Step Your situation is unique, and so is your decision. Whether you’re considering parenting or adoption or simply need time to process your feelings, Collage is here to provide information and encouragement. We’re available to answer questions, explain your options, and connect you with trusted community resources, all at no cost and in a confidential setting. Schedule your free appointment today to start finding clarity and peace of mind. FAQ: Is it normal to feel uncertain about my decision? Yes. Many women experience mixed emotions when facing an unexpected pregnancy. It’s okay to take time and talk through your options before deciding. What if I don’t think I can afford to parent? We can connect you with programs and community partners that provide material and emotional support, so you will feel more equipped to parent if you choose to. How does adoption work? You remain in control. You’ll choose the family and the level of contact and receive guidance from trusted professionals who handle the legal and practical aspects of the process. Are services at Collage really free? Yes. All services are completely free and confidential. Your privacy and comfort are our priority. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
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