Gaslighting In Relationships
January 13, 2023
If you spend any time on the self-help side of social media, you’ve probably heard the term “gaslighting” thrown around as it becomes part of the mainstream vocabulary. But what does it really mean to gaslight someone, and how can you defend yourself if it happens to you?
What is "Gaslighting?"
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone makes you doubt your thoughts, feelings, and perception of reality. The term is named after the 1944 film,
Gaslight, where the main character’s husband slowly convinces her that she is going insane. As in the movie, an abusive person can gain power over you by eroding your self-trust, allowing them to avoid accountability for wrongdoing or making you dependent on them in your decision-making. This can be done through various tactics, like denying events that you know happened, manipulating evidence to make you question your recollection of events, or even planting false memories in your mind.
Recognizing Gaslighting
Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging, as it can cause you to doubt your sanity and even lead to long-term psychological damage. You can protect yourself by learning to recognize it and preparing ways to respond.
Here are some signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting:
- You constantly second-guess yourself.
- You feel like you’re going crazy or that something is “off,” but you can’t put your finger on it.
- You feel isolated and disconnected from others.
Responding to Gaslighting
Once you realize that someone in your life is gaslighting you, it’s important to take action. Here are some steps you can take to respond to gaslighting:
- Document what’s happening. Keep a record of the events and conversations that are causing you to doubt yourself. This can help reassure yourself and others that you’re not imagining things.
- Set boundaries with the person who is gaslighting you and make it clear that their behavior is unacceptable. This might involve setting limits on how much time you spend with them or telling them that you won’t engage in discussions that make you feel uncomfortable. Some helpful phrases for setting these boundaries can include:
- “I was there and know what I saw/heard.”
- “I’m not interested in debating what happened with you.”
- “I’m making this decision for myself.”
- “I hear what you’re saying, and it isn’t what I experienced.”
- “I need space, and I’m walking away from this conversation.”
- Seek support. It’s crucial to have a support system in place when dealing with gaslighting. This might include friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe and supportive space to talk about what’s happening.
Gaslighting can be a difficult and mentally draining experience but remember you have the power to take control of your own reality and seek help when needed. Don’t let anyone make you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or experiences. In case no one has told you recently, you have incredible value and worth and no one can take that away.
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