I’m Not Ready For Sex, But He Is

January 26, 2015
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Dear Collage,

I’m not ready. Yet. We’ve been dating for several months, longer than most of our friends and some of them are, but I don’t think I’m ready. It’s not that I don’t love him, I’m just not ready for sex and he is. How do I handle this? Thanks.

   - Not Ready

 

Dear Not Ready,


Your situation is one many young women struggle with. They are trying to figure out how they feel about their guy, what their relationship is, and where it might go. For most, it’s not just about whether or not to have sex; it’s about who they are and who they want to be. It’s about not only the present, but also the future. As they sit and talk about their questions and what they are thinking and feeling, it’s amazing how they find the answers as they talk it out.


So, let’s talk. We’re not holding back on this because it’s an important topic and we think you alone should make this decision for you. Here are a few questions for you to think about.


What’s the status of your relationship in general?

You mentioned that you’ve been dating for several months, but how long you’ve been in a relationship isn’t a gage on how serious the relationship is. There are several things to factor in as you evaluate your relationship. Things like the level of trust, how well you communicate, and a respect for each other are better measurements of the status of a relationship that time passed. As for sex, well that doesn’t necessary make for a deeper, more intimate relationship either. Sure, sexual intimacy, in the right context, can strengthen a relationship. But if you engage in sex too early it can also do considerable harm to your relationship. Physical intimacy can replace emotional intimacy, stunting the growth of the relationship and causing a great deal of pain and frustration as a result of unmet expectations.


Have you clearly communicated your boundaries?

Does he know how you feel and where your comfort zone ends? Sometimes you just have to be blunt and let him know what you are comfortable with, just tell him you’re not ready for sex. It’s always best to have this conversation and set your boundaries before you are in a situation where they are being pushed. Let him know where you stand and what will happen if he pushes you. What is his reaction? Sure he might say all the right things, but what does he do? Is he respectful, staying clear of those boundaries, or does he keep pushing to see how close he can get, or if he can get past them? You’ll be amazed how much more respect you’ll have for your guy when he knows your limits and doesn’t push the boundaries.


Is he manipulating you to guilt you into sex?

“I love you so much, and if you love me as much as I love you, you’d want to have sex.” If he says anything that remotely resembles that sentence it’s probably time to start rethinking this relationship. If he loved you as much as he says he does, he would respect the boundaries you have set. Clearly that’s not the case and he just demonstrated he cares way more about himself than you. You deserve someone who puts you first.


Are you afraid he will leave or cheat?

If the thought that he might break up with you if you don’t have sex has crossed your mind, you’re not alone. Many women worry that if they don’t give in and have sex the guy will leave, or worse cheat on her. If this is something that you’re worried about, than you may want to revisit our first question about the status of the relationship. This is a sign of a lack of trust and respect for your boundaries


Do you need to end the relationship?

If he keeps pushing after you’ve been clear you’re not ready for sex it may be time to end things. You may realize he doesn’t respect you and is more concerned with his physical needs than your emotional needs and decide to break up. He may realize that he’s not going to get what he wants and he may end it. After several months together, no matter how it ends it will hurt. But hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that ending it now is a lot less painful than being in a long term relationship with someone who doesn’t respect and honor you, and who constantly pushes you to do things you’re not ready for.


Do you need someone to talk this through with?

If you’re in this situation and want to talk with someone, we’d love to invite you to come to Collage and meet with one of our staff. They will help you work through these and any other questions you may have. In the end, our goal is to help you make the best decision for you, not what someone else wants for you. Because in the end, the decision whether or not to have sex should always be yours.

February 10, 2026
An unexpected pregnancy can already feel like a lot to carry. However, when your partner is strongly pushing you toward abortion, and you’re not sure what you want, it can feel even heavier. You may feel torn between your own emotions and his expectations, trying to keep the peace while feeling anxious or confused. If you’re in this situation, take a deep breath. At Collage, we understand how emotionally complicated this can be. You deserve a safe place to talk through what you’re feeling and be treated with respect. You don’t have to rush into a decision. Schedule a free appointment to learn how we can help you navigate this situation. It’s Your Decision Sometimes a partner’s reaction is rooted in panic. He may be thinking about finances, school, your relationship, or how unprepared he feels. In his mind, abortion may seem like the fastest solution. When someone repeatedly insists on one outcome, refuses to listen, or makes you feel guilty for even considering other options, it can start to feel like your voice doesn’t matter. And in a moment this vulnerable, your voice matters more than ever.  Giving Yourself Space If conversations feel tense or emotionally draining, it’s okay to take a step back. You have the right to say something like, “I need time to think. I’m not ready to decide right now.” Creating a little space can help you reconnect with your own thoughts instead of constantly reacting to his. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pause, breathe, and remind yourself that you don’t have to figure everything out in one day. You Deserve Respect It’s also important to pay attention to warning signs. If your partner threatens to leave, withdraw support, manipulate you emotionally, or isolate you from others unless you choose abortion, that is not love. That is control. You deserve a relationship where your safety and well-being are protected, not threatened. If you ever feel unsafe, reach out for immediate support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) offers 24/7 confidential resources to help you get the assistance you need. You Deserve a Safe Place to Talk It Through At Collage, we’re here to support you. You don’t have to walk into our center with a decision already made. You can come in simply because you need someone to listen, help you process, and remind you that you are not alone. This is your pregnancy and future. If your partner is pressuring you and you’re feeling unsure, please know that help is available. We offer a calm, caring environment where you can talk openly, ask questions, and explore your options without feeling judged or persuaded to make a specific decision. You are not alone in this. Schedule an appointment with Collage today. We’re here to walk with you, one step at a time. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
January 23, 2026
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can bring up difficult questions, especially when it comes to your relationship. You may be wondering whether you are required to tell your partner you’re considering an abortion, or whether it’s okay to keep that information private. Fear of conflict, concern about pressure, or a desire to protect your emotional well-being can all play a role. These feelings are common, and it’s okay to take time to think through what feels safest and healthiest for you. Collage offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can discuss these concerns without pressure. Before making any decisions, we provide cost-free pregnancy services , including ultrasounds, to help you understand important details about your pregnancy. Our goal is to give you accurate medical information and the space you need to move forward with clarity. You’re welcome to schedule a private, confidential appointment to learn more when you feel ready. Understanding Your Autonomy In many states, adults are not legally required to tell a partner if they’re considering or planning an abortion. Medical decisions about your body are generally protected by privacy laws, meaning the decision is legally yours. Some exceptions exist, such as parental involvement laws for minors, but partner notification is typically not required for adults. Even when the law is clear, the emotional side of this decision can feel complicated. You may feel torn between maintaining privacy and wanting honesty in your relationship. There is no single “right” approach, only what best supports your well-being and circumstances. When Safety Is a Concern In some relationships, sharing your thoughts with a partner may lead to understanding or emotional support. In others, it may not feel safe. If you’re worried about pressure, manipulation, anger, or physical harm, prioritizing your safety is essential. You’re never obligated to share information that could put you at risk. If you feel unsafe or unsure, confidential help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why Medical Information Matters Whether or not you involve your partner, having accurate medical information is an important step. An ultrasound can help confirm gestational age, pregnancy location, and whether the pregnancy is viable. These details matter for your health and can help you feel more grounded as you consider your next steps. You Are Not Alone At Collage, we offer a confidential, respectful environment where your voice and concerns are taken seriously. Our team provides pregnancy confirmation, emotional support, and space to think through your situation without pressure or judgment. You deserve time, clarity, and peace of mind as you decide what is right for your life. Connect with Collage to discuss your questions in a supportive and confidential setting. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
December 17, 2025
Holiday gatherings often bring familiar traditions, questions, and expectations. But when you’re carrying the news of an unexpected pregnancy that you haven’t shared, the season may feel different this year. You might be participating in celebrations while quietly navigating thoughts and emotions that others cannot see. If you want clarity about your pregnancy or a private space to consider your next steps, Collage offers free services, including pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and confidential consultations, to support your needs. Schedule your appointment today. Prepare Yourself, Not the Perfect Conversation You may not be ready to share your news, and that’s okay. What can help is preparing yourself: deciding on the topics you’re comfortable discussing, the questions you want to avoid, and the boundaries you want to set. This proactivity allows you to answer without feeling like you need to tell all and not overshare. Create Space Throughout the Gathering Instead of thinking about the whole event at once, break it into smaller, manageable moments. Emotional regulation becomes easier when you give yourself space to reset. Try:  Stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air Finding a quiet room for a brief pause Taking a short walk after a meal Giving yourself permission to excuse yourself from overwhelming conversations These small steps can help protect your peace. Remember that if at any point during the gathering you’re ready to go home, go ahead. Take care of yourself by calling it a day when necessary. Meet Your Basic Needs Early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and fatigue can be uncomfortable during gatherings. Come prepared to meet your own needs by bringing pregnancy nausea candy, snacks to settle your stomach, and a water bottle. Store these items in your purse, knowing they’re ready when you need them. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Season Alone If you want clarity before facing holiday conversations, Collage can help you understand your pregnancy and answer questions in a calm, confidential setting, which can make these boundaries easier to hold. Contact us whenever you’re ready to schedule a free appointment. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
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