I’m Not Ready For Sex, But He Is

Dear Collage,

I’m not ready. Yet. We’ve been dating for several months, longer than most of our friends and some of them are, but I don’t think I’m ready. It’s not that I don’t love him, I’m just not ready for sex and he is. How do I handle this? Thanks.

- Not Ready

Dear Not Ready,

Your situation is one many young women struggle with. They are trying to figure out how they feel about their guy, what their relationship is, and where it might go. For most, it’s not just about whether or not to have sex; it’s about who they are and who they want to be. It’s about not only the present, but also the future. As they sit and talk about their questions and what they are thinking and feeling, it’s amazing how they find the answers as they talk it out.

So, let’s talk. We’re not holding back on this because it’s an important topic and we think you alone should make this decision for you. Here are a few questions for you to think about.

What’s the status of your relationship in general?

You mentioned that you’ve been dating for several months, but how long you’ve been in a relationship isn’t a gage on how serious the relationship is. There are several things to factor in as you evaluate your relationship. Things like the level of trust, how well you communicate, and a respect for each other are better measurements of the status of a relationship that time passed. As for sex, well that doesn’t necessary make for a deeper, more intimate relationship either. Sure, sexual intimacy, in the right context, can strengthen a relationship. But if you engage in sex too early it can also do considerable harm to your relationship. Physical intimacy can replace emotional intimacy, stunting the growth of the relationship and causing a great deal of pain and frustration as a result of unmet expectations.

Have you clearly communicated your boundaries?

Does he know how you feel and where your comfort zone ends? Sometimes you just have to be blunt and let him know what you are comfortable with, just tell him you’re not ready for sex. It’s always best to have this conversation and set your boundaries before you are in a situation where they are being pushed. Let him know where you stand and what will happen if he pushes you. What is his reaction? Sure he might say all the right things, but what does he do? Is he respectful, staying clear of those boundaries, or does he keep pushing to see how close he can get, or if he can get past them? You’ll be amazed how much more respect you’ll have for your guy when he knows your limits and doesn’t push the boundaries.

Is he manipulating you to guilt you into sex?

“I love you so much, and if you love me as much as I love you, you’d want to have sex.” If he says anything that remotely resembles that sentence it’s probably time to start rethinking this relationship. If he loved you as much as he says he does, he would respect the boundaries you have set. Clearly that’s not the case and he just demonstrated he cares way more about himself than you. You deserve someone who puts you first.

Are you afraid he will leave or cheat?

If the thought that he might break up with you if you don’t have sex has crossed your mind, you’re not alone. Many women worry that if they don’t give in and have sex the guy will leave, or worse cheat on her. If this is something that you’re worried about, than you may want to revisit our first question about the status of the relationship. This is a sign of a lack of trust and respect for your boundaries

Do you need to end the relationship?

If he keeps pushing after you’ve been clear you’re not ready for sex it may be time to end things. You may realize he doesn’t respect you and is more concerned with his physical needs than your emotional needs and decide to break up. He may realize that he’s not going to get what he wants and he may end it. After several months together, no matter how it ends it will hurt. But hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that ending it now is a lot less painful than being in a long term relationship with someone who doesn’t respect and honor you, and who constantly pushes you to do things you’re not ready for.

Do you need someone to talk this through with?

If you’re in this situation and want to talk with someone, we’d love to invite you to come to Collage and meet with one of our staff. They will help you work through these and any other questions you may have. In the end, our goal is to help you make the best decision for you, not what someone else wants for you. Because in the end, the decision whether or not to have sex should always be yours.

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Do I Have to Tell My Partner I Want an Abortion?

January 23, 2026

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can bring up difficult questions, especially when it comes to your relationship. You may be wondering whether you are required to tell your partner you’re considering an abortion, or whether it’s okay to keep that information private. Fear of conflict, concern about pressure, or a desire to protect your emotional well-being can all play a role. These feelings are common, and it’s okay to take time to think through what feels safest and healthiest for you. Collage offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can discuss these concerns without pressure. Before making any decisions, we provide cost-free pregnancy services , including ultrasounds, to help you understand important details about your pregnancy. Our goal is to give you accurate medical information and the space you need to move forward with clarity. You’re welcome to schedule a private, confidential appointment to learn more when you feel ready. Understanding Your Autonomy In many states, adults are not legally required to tell a partner if they’re considering or planning an abortion. Medical decisions about your body are generally protected by privacy laws, meaning the decision is legally yours. Some exceptions exist, such as parental involvement laws for minors, but partner notification is typically not required for adults. Even when the law is clear, the emotional side of this decision can feel complicated. You may feel torn between maintaining privacy and wanting honesty in your relationship. There is no single “right” approach, only what best supports your well-being and circumstances. When Safety Is a Concern In some relationships, sharing your thoughts with a partner may lead to understanding or emotional support. In others, it may not feel safe. If you’re worried about pressure, manipulation, anger, or physical harm, prioritizing your safety is essential. You’re never obligated to share information that could put you at risk. If you feel unsafe or unsure, confidential help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why Medical Information Matters Whether or not you involve your partner, having accurate medical information is an important step. An ultrasound can help confirm gestational age, pregnancy location, and whether the pregnancy is viable. These details matter for your health and can help you feel more grounded as you consider your next steps. You Are Not Alone At Collage, we offer a confidential, respectful environment where your voice and concerns are taken seriously. Our team provides pregnancy confirmation, emotional support, and space to think through your situation without pressure or judgment. You deserve time, clarity, and peace of mind as you decide what is right for your life. Connect with Collage to discuss your questions in a supportive and confidential setting. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.

How to Handle Holiday Gatherings When You Haven’t Shared Your Pregnancy News Yet

December 17, 2025

Holiday gatherings often bring familiar traditions, questions, and expectations. But when you’re carrying the news of an unexpected pregnancy that you haven’t shared, the season may feel different this year. You might be participating in celebrations while quietly navigating thoughts and emotions that others cannot see. If you want clarity about your pregnancy or a private space to consider your next steps, Collage offers free services, including pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and confidential consultations, to support your needs. Schedule your appointment today. Prepare Yourself, Not the Perfect Conversation You may not be ready to share your news, and that’s okay. What can help is preparing yourself: deciding on the topics you’re comfortable discussing, the questions you want to avoid, and the boundaries you want to set. This proactivity allows you to answer without feeling like you need to tell all and not overshare. Create Space Throughout the Gathering Instead of thinking about the whole event at once, break it into smaller, manageable moments. Emotional regulation becomes easier when you give yourself space to reset. Try: Stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air Finding a quiet room for a brief pause Taking a short walk after a meal Giving yourself permission to excuse yourself from overwhelming conversations These small steps can help protect your peace. Remember that if at any point during the gathering you’re ready to go home, go ahead. Take care of yourself by calling it a day when necessary. Meet Your Basic Needs Early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and fatigue can be uncomfortable during gatherings. Come prepared to meet your own needs by bringing pregnancy nausea candy, snacks to settle your stomach, and a water bottle. Store these items in your purse, knowing they’re ready when you need them. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Season Alone If you want clarity before facing holiday conversations, Collage can help you understand your pregnancy and answer questions in a calm, confidential setting, which can make these boundaries easier to hold. Contact us whenever you’re ready to schedule a free appointment. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .

I Don’t Want Another Abortion

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Learning you’re unexpectedly pregnant can bring up complicated emotions, uncertainty, fear, or even exhaustion if you’ve faced this situation before. You may know that you don’t want another abortion, but still wonder what options exist for your future. At Collage, we provide free and confidential support so you can explore your choices in a compassionate environment. Whether you want to understand what parenting or adoption could look like or simply need someone to listen, you’re not alone. Schedule a free appointment today to learn how we can help. Exploring Parenting Parenting can feel like an enormous responsibility, especially if your finances, relationships, or housing situation are uncertain. Many women ask themselves: “Can I really do this on my own?” “Where will I find the help I need?” “What kind of future can I provide for my child?” These are real and valid questions. At Collage, we’ll help you identify the resources and support available in your community. From offering a warm, supportive presence as you explore this option to providing referrals for resources like housing or childcare support, we’ll ensure you’re not facing these challenges alone. Parenting can be both demanding and deeply rewarding. With encouragement, community connections, and the right information, you can feel more confident in providing a stable, nurturing environment for your child. Understanding Adoption If parenting doesn’t feel like the right fit for your current situation, adoption offers another path forward, one rooted in hope and love. You remain in control of the process, deciding how involved you wish to be in your child’s life. You can select from multiple adoption plans depending on your comfort level: Open adoption: Allows for ongoing communication and contact between you, your child, and the adoptive family. Semi-open adoption: Offers limited contact through a third party, maintaining privacy while keeping some connection. Closed adoption: Protects complete confidentiality with no exchange of identifying information. Financial support is available throughout the adoption process. You’ll never pay for legal or medical services related to adoption. Best of all, adoption agencies can help ensure your needs are met and your wishes are respected every step of the way. Adoption is not an easy decision, but for some women, it brings a sense of peace and purpose, knowing their child is loved and cared for in a stable environment. We can discuss this option with you and offer referrals to reputable agencies so you feel informed. Taking the Next Step Your situation is unique, and so is your decision. Whether you’re considering parenting or adoption or simply need time to process your feelings, Collage is here to provide information and encouragement. We’re available to answer questions, explain your options, and connect you with trusted community resources, all at no cost and in a confidential setting. Schedule your free appointment today to start finding clarity and peace of mind. FAQ: Is it normal to feel uncertain about my decision? Yes. Many women experience mixed emotions when facing an unexpected pregnancy. It’s okay to take time and talk through your options before deciding. What if I don’t think I can afford to parent? We can connect you with programs and community partners that provide material and emotional support, so you will feel more equipped to parent if you choose to. How does adoption work? You remain in control. You’ll choose the family and the level of contact and receive guidance from trusted professionals who handle the legal and practical aspects of the process. Are services at Collage really free? Yes. All services are completely free and confidential. Your privacy and comfort are our priority. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.