I Don’t Want To Lose Him

Dear Collage,
My boyfriend and I have been dating a while now. He’s really sweet and in a lot of ways, he treats me like a queen. I know he loves me. And I really do love him. He wants to have sex, but I don’t feel ready. I think sex is a big deal, and I think I might want to wait until I’m married. He says he understands that I’m not ready, but he also says that he’s proven he loves me by treating me like a queen – buying me stuff and watching movies I want to watch or hanging out with my friends when I want us to. He says this is the only thing he’s asking of me and if I really loved him, I’d want him to be happy. I know he’s getting frustrated. He has needs and I’m not meeting those needs. I’m afraid that if I don’t have sex with him soon, he’s going to break up with me and find someone who will. I mean, I love him and I want a future with him. If I’m going to have sex with him eventually, maybe I should go ahead and have sex with him now so he won’t leave me. What should I do?

We receive a lot of messages that sound like this. So if you’re in this situation, you definitely aren’t alone. That’s important for you to know — you aren’t the only one.

If this is your situation, we want to encourage you and help you as you make a decision about what’s best for you.

First, it’s wonderful if you and your boyfriend are having conversations about sex. Being able to honestly communicate about physical intimacy is very important in a relationship. It sounds like you’re not shying away from talking about the tough stuff, so that’s really something to be proud of!

Next, it’s also really great that you’re pausing to think about what you want and how sex impacts a relationship and your future. It sounds like you’re considering your values and wanting to make choices that are true to your own values. That’s wonderful!

If you feel like you aren’t ready for sex or if any part of you really wants to wait until you’re married, then you aren’t ready. And that’s OK! Even if you’ve been dating a really long time, it’s OK to feel like you aren’t ready or to feel like you want to wait. You’re right; sex is a big deal, and it’s wise to wait until you’re really ready or until you’re fully committed to each other in marriage. If that’s how you feel, you have every right to feel that way. And you deserve to have those values and those boundaries respected.

If you can say that your boyfriend treats you like a queen, but what does that mean? If he isn’t respecting your boundaries and your values, then he isn’t treating you like a queen. If he’s buying you gifts, watching movies you want to watch, and hanging with your friends so that he can use that as leverage to pressure you into having sex, then he isn’t treating you like a queen. He’s manipulating you. And that isn’t how real love works.

Your boyfriend may say he has needs and that he wants you to meet those needs. But you have needs as well – the need to be respected and honored and truly loved. And if he’s pressuring you to have sex or making threats that he’ll find another girl who will have sex with him, then he isn’t meeting your needs.

It’s understandable that you don’t want to lose this boyfriend – none of us likes to feel rejected. And it could feel that way. But if he’s pressuring you or threatening to leave you if you don’t have sex with him, he isn’t really rejecting you; he’s just selfishly wanting what he wants. And you deserve a better relationship than that. Maybe you could see this as you rejecting a relationship that isn’t respectful and healthy. You are so valuable, and your happiness is important. Are you going to be really happy if you go against your own values or give in to pressure to do something you’re not ready for?

When you’re really ready – when the time is right – you won’t feel pressured and you won’t be motivated by fear of losing someone. You’ll be motivated by true love – patient and gentle and selfless. And the right person won’t threaten to leave you if he doesn’t get his way. He won’t give you things and then hold it over your head to get what he wants. He won’t make you feel like his kindnesses to you are in exchange for sex.

Hold out for the right time and the right person. You’re worth it!

< Older Post

Newer Post >

How Will Abortion Affect Me Mentally?

September 24, 2025

When considering abortion, it’s natural to wonder how the decision could affect your mental health. While every woman’s experience is different, being aware of possible emotional impacts and taking time to reflect on your circumstances can help you make an informed choice. At Collage, we provide free, confidential support so you don’t have to navigate these questions alone. Our staff is here to listen, answer your questions, and connect you with the resources you need as you process your options. Contact us to schedule your appointment today. What Research Suggests Research has shown that abortion can lead to a range of emotional responses. The American Psychological Association notes that some women experience grief, sadness, or even clinically significant issues like depression and anxiety afterward. Certain factors may make these outcomes more likely, such as: A history of mental health challenges Pressure from others to make a decision Lack of support or secrecy about the pregnancy Strong personal, cultural, or spiritual beliefs Wanting to continue the pregnancy but feeling unable to Recognizing how these factors may apply to your situation can help you prepare and seek support. You Have Other Options You are the one who will live with this decision, so it’s important not to rush. Confirming your pregnancy with a lab- quality test and ultrasound can provide clarity and help you understand your options, which include parenting and adoption. Speaking with a counselor or a healthcare professional can also give you space to process your feelings without judgment. We’re Here for You At Collage, we offer free pregnancy testing, limited ultrasounds, and confidential consultations so you can explore your options with accurate information and compassionate support. Schedule your free appointment today. You deserve the time, space, and care to make a confident decision with your mental health top of mind. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do provide pre-abortion screenings.

Am I Eligible for the Abortion Pill?

August 11, 2025

Wondering if the abortion pill is right for you? Learn about eligibility, risks, and why an ultrasound is your first step at Collage.

What Are My Second-Trimester Pregnancy Options?

July 2, 2025

If you’re in your second trimester (between 13 and 26 weeks of pregnancy), you might be asking, What now? Maybe you just found out you’re pregnant, or maybe this stage of pregnancy is bringing new questions or emotions. No matter where you are in your journey, Collage is here to offer support, information, and a safe place to talk through your options. Understanding Abortion Laws in Nebraska In Nebraska, abortion is not permitted after 12 weeks gestation, with limited exceptions. If you’re considering abortion and believe you may be near or past this point, it’s important to have an ultrasound to confirm how far along you are. If you’re unsure how far along you are, Collage offers no-cost lab-quality pregnancy testing and ultrasounds to provide the medical information you need to understand your next steps. Exploring Your Other Pregnancy Options If abortion is not an option or you’re unsure what’s next, you still have choices. We can talk with you more about each of them. Parenting Parenting might feel like something you’re not ready for or even impossible right now. But with the right support, it may be more achievable than you think. You don’t have to have all the answers today. At Collage, we can connect you with local resources, parenting classes, and support systems that can help you prepare, step by step. You won’t be alone. Adoption If parenting doesn’t seem like the right fit for your current season, adoption is another option that gives you the ability to make a thoughtful plan for your child. Today’s adoption process puts you in control of key decisions, including: Choosing the adoptive family Deciding how much (if any) communication you’d like to have Creating a plan that reflects your goals and values We offer adoption referrals and a confidential space to explore what this might look like for you—no pressure, just information and support. You’re Not Alone Navigating pregnancy in the second trimester can feel heavy, but you don’t have to walk through it by yourself. At Collage, you’ll find compassionate care, medical services, and honest answers to your questions. Schedule your no-cost appointment today. We’re here to listen and support through this process.