Guy's Perspective: Unexpected
Unexpected. This was unexpected. She just texted you that her period is two weeks late, which means she might be pregnant. Yep, pregnant. Your mind kicks into overdrive, and questions begin flooding your head…
I never thought this would happen to me. Now what?
Discovering that your partner could be pregnant can be overwhelming. Remember, not every missed or late period means that there's a pregnancy. So it's crucial that your partner confirms if she is pregnant.
Collage can provide a free and confidential pregnancy test. If that test is positive, a limited obstetrical (OB) ultrasound can be offered here at our center by a sonographer. This ultrasound confirms the viability of the pregnancy and reveals how far along she is.
Do I have a say if she's considering an abortion?
It is her right to choose to have an abortion without the permission of the baby's father. Even though you don’t have complete control of this situation, you can still have a say in the outcome of the pregnancy. The fact is, she's dealing with a lot of the same questions that are going through your mind.
- How will I support the child?
- What will people think of me?
- How will my parents react?
Your support during this time is crucial as she decides the outcome of the pregnancy. You have the opportunity to come alongside her and walk through some of these concerns.
How do I support her?
Initiating a conversation is a great start. Talking through your options and listening to each other's concerns is crucial. Keeping the pregnancy a secret may create unneeded tension during an already stressful situation. So, opening up to your parents or other close friends in your life can be a great way to build support.
Remember the importance of listening. Take time to hear her fears and how she’s feeling. Although taking the time to listen is essential, don't be afraid to speak up during these conversations. We've heard many women express they wanted to hear their partner say, "I don't know what will happen to us in the future, but I do know we can provide a future for our child." She may not want to pressure you to do something like saying yes to her and this pregnancy. However, if you feel that you do want to step into fatherhood, you should let her know.
Where can we go to learn more about our options?
Collage is a safe and confidential place where you and your partner can ask any questions you may have. Our trained staff can help you look at all of your options and answer questions about abortion, adoption, and parenting. Ultimately, you are the only individuals who can make the final decision. Still, we're here to provide help and answers during this time of uncertainty.
She doesn't act like she wants me involved. Should I just bail?
The fact is, everybody handles stressful situations differently. You may see her frustration or anger as a sign that she doesn't want you involved, but that feeling may be born from the worry of an unexpected pregnancy. At this point, you have a chance to step up and take responsibility for the circumstances. This child is a combination of both of you, so it's essential to figure out together what the best outcome of the pregnancy is for all three of you.
What if we disagree on the options?
It's crucial to be honest with each other as you discuss your options. Don't pressure her to do something she doesn't want to do. Remember, this pregnancy is fully impacting her future. If you encounter constant disagreements, consider seeking guidance from a parent or close friend.
We encourage you to start talking with your partner and take your time in making this decision. Remember, you don’t have to go through this journey alone. You may have a family member or friend that cares for you and wants to help. The staff at Collage is also here to walk alongside you and your partner as you learn more about your options.
